The Battle of Hastings I'll tell of the Battle of Hastings As 'appened in days long gone by When Duke William became King of England And 'Arold got shot in the eye It were this way - one day in October The Duke - who was always a toff - 'Aving no battles on at moment 'ad given his lads day off They'd all tekken boats and gone fishing 'Till some chap in to' Conqueror's ear Said "Let's go put breeze up Saxons" Says Bill "By gum, that's an idea" Then turning around to his soldiers He lifted his big Norman voice, shouting 'Ands up who's coming to England? That were swank 'cos they 'adn't no choice They started away about tea-time The sea was so calm and so still And at quarter to ten the next morning They arrived at a place called Bexhill King 'Arold came up as they landed His face full of venim and 'ate He said If you've come for Regatta You've got 'ere just six weeks too late At this William rose, cool but 'aughty And said: Give us none o' your cheek Tha'd best have thee throne re-upholstered I'll be wanting to use it next week When 'Arold 'eard this 'ere defiance With rage he turned purple and blue And shouted some rude words in Saxon To which William answered - And you! 'Twere a beautiful day for a battle The Normans set off with a will And when both sides was duly assembled They tossed for the top of the hill King 'Arold he won the advantage On the hill-top he took his stand With his knaves and his cads all around him On 'is 'orse with 'is 'awk in 'is 'and The Normans had nowt in their favour Their chance of a victory seemed small For the slope of the field were against them And the wind in their faces an' all Kick-off were sharp at two-thirty And soon as the whistle had went Both sides started banging each other Till swineherds could hear 'em in Kent Saxons had best line of forwards Well armed with both buckler and sword But Normans had best combination And when half time came neither had scored So Duke called his cohorts together And said - Let's pretend that we're beat Once we get Saxons down on t' level We'll cut off their means of retreat So they ran and the Saxons ran after Just exactly as William had planned Leaving 'Arold alone on the hill-top On 'is 'orse with 'is 'awk in 'is 'and When the Conqueror saw what 'ad 'appened A bow and an arrer he drew He went right up to 'Arold and shot him He were off-side but what could they do? The Normans turned round in a fury And gave back both parry and thrust Till t' fight were all over bar t' shouting And you couldn't see Saxons for dust And after the battle were over They found 'Arold so stately and grand Sitting there, with an eye-full of arrer On 'is 'orse with 'is 'awk in 'is 'and RG oct99
Thanks to Mudcat for the Digital Tradition!