Digital Tradition Mirror

The Battle of Hastings

The Battle of Hastings

I'll tell of the Battle of Hastings
As 'appened in days long gone by
When Duke William became King of England
And 'Arold got shot in the eye

It were this way - one day in October
The Duke  - who was always a toff -
'Aving no battles on at moment
'ad given his lads day off

They'd all tekken boats and gone fishing
'Till some chap in to' Conqueror's ear
Said "Let's go put breeze up Saxons"
Says Bill "By gum, that's an idea"

Then turning around to his soldiers
He lifted his big Norman voice, shouting
'Ands up who's coming to England?
That were swank 'cos they 'adn't no choice

They started away about tea-time
The sea was so calm and so still
And at quarter to ten the next morning
They arrived at a place called Bexhill

King 'Arold came up as they landed
His face full of venim and 'ate
He said If you've come for Regatta
You've got 'ere just six weeks too late

At this William rose, cool but 'aughty
And said: Give us none o' your cheek
Tha'd best have thee throne re-upholstered
I'll be wanting to use it next week

When 'Arold 'eard this 'ere defiance
With rage he turned purple and blue
And shouted some rude words in Saxon
To which William answered - And you!

'Twere a beautiful day for a battle
The Normans set off with a will
And when both sides was duly assembled
They tossed for the top of the hill

King 'Arold he won the advantage
On the hill-top he took his stand
With his knaves and his cads all around him
On 'is 'orse with 'is 'awk in 'is 'and

The Normans had nowt in their favour
Their chance of a victory seemed small
For the slope of the field were against them
And the wind in their faces an' all

Kick-off were sharp at two-thirty
And soon as the whistle had went
Both sides started banging each other
Till swineherds could hear 'em in Kent

Saxons had best line of forwards
Well armed with both buckler and sword
But Normans had best combination
And when half time came neither had scored

So Duke called his cohorts together
And said - Let's pretend that we're beat
Once we get Saxons down on t' level
We'll cut off their means of retreat

So they ran and the Saxons ran after
Just exactly as William had planned
Leaving 'Arold alone on the hill-top
On 'is 'orse with 'is 'awk in 'is 'and

When the Conqueror saw what 'ad 'appened
A bow and an arrer he drew
He went right up to 'Arold and shot him
He were off-side but what could they do?

The Normans turned round in a fury
And gave back both parry and thrust
Till t' fight were all over bar t' shouting
And you couldn't see Saxons for dust

And after the battle were over
They found 'Arold so stately and grand
Sitting there, with an eye-full of arrer
On 'is 'orse with 'is 'awk in 'is 'and

RG
oct99

Thanks to Mudcat for the Digital Tradition!

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