New Chum Crutcher (Brian O'Keefe) There's a story that I have to tell And I'll tell it straight to you. Though you may not believe me, Every painful word is true. I'd have a go at any job For my name is Anton Teese, But the work I did at ``Homelands'' Fair brought me to my knees. Oh, I'll never be a ringer Though rings around me lie, I'll just be a new chum crutcher, lads, Until the day I die. Doug Treasure was the Boss's name From down old Stratford way; He said I could earn quick money With work that was child's play. ``Come around tomorrow,'' he said, With a twinkle in his eyes, ``You can crutch a mob or two for me And discourage the damn blowflies.'' Well, I turned up that morning And begged the frightened sheep To come and lay down quietly At my quaking feet. But for all the good it did me I may as well've begged the gaffer For a bottle of Johnny Walker And a billy of tobaccer. Well, I shore the crawling maggots And I cut the bloody sheep While the dags were slowly piling up Around my aching feet. With sweaty blades I desexed the ewes And terrified rams alike, While the condemned were cringing in their pens And shitting themselves in fright. I could imagine the ringers blowing Their trumpets loud and hard While I stared in desolation Out across the woolly yards; They'd tell of mighty shearers, Jackie Howe and Roaring Dunn Who could shear two dozen cobblers While I was crutching one. Oh, it's times like these I wonder From my soul in abject pity. What madness brought me to this place And took me from the city; But I pray that when the gaffer dies He ends up down in Hell Crutching politicians Until the truth they tell GLOSSARY: billy: billy can, used for boiling water for tea cobblers: sheep that are tough and hard to shear crutching: to cut away the wool around the sheep's backside to discourage blowflies dags: bits of muck that cling to wool around the backside new chum: a new arrival to an occupation; usually derogatory ringer: the best shearer in the shed rings: arseholes BR
Thanks to Mudcat for the Digital Tradition!