The Nervous Wreck of the Edna Fitzgerald (Camille West) We sailed away from Huntington Bay And the waters were calm as could be-oh On our new cabin cruiser, the first time we used her 'Twas just the family and me-oh And my husband stood proud in his new captain's hat Using words like "Ahoy there" and shit like that So we took the kid and Cleo our cat And set out to conquer the sea-oh Everyone loved it but Clee-oh And it's yo ho over the sea The salt and the spray and the cool ocean breeze Pass me a bottle of Perrier, please This is the life for me The tranquillity three miles out to sea Suddenly came to an end-oh When the kid started saying, "No way am I staying I'd rather be playing Nintend-oh." And the captain cried, "Ho there, you little snot I paid sixty grand for this family yacht You're gonna enjoy yourself, like it or not So you'd better learn how to pretend-oh" (We all caught the man's innuend-oh) So it's yo ho over the sea The salt and the spray and the cool ocean breeze Pass me a bottle of Dramamine, please This is the life for me? My husband the captain was checking the charts While the cruiser was burning up fuel And the kid threw the cat in, trolling for sharks He called it a project for schoo-el I reached down to pull the cat in by the tail When I saw what was left my complexion went pale That's when I lost my lunch over the rail The kid thought the whole thing was coo-el Mama was not feeling too-well So it's yo ho over the sea The salt and the spray and the cool ocean breeze Pass me a bottle of Valium, please Is this the life for me? We ran out of fuel by mid-afternoon And the clouds were moving in fast-er And the captain did say, "There's no more Perrier" Which made it a total disast-er With hardly a warning it started to pour And we drifted 'til we reached the New Jersey shore (Never thought I'd be glad to see Jersey before) We started drifting in fast-er Tried to steer the ship, but we crashed-her And it's yo ho over the sea The salt and the spray and the cool ocean breeze Pass me a bottle of cyanide, please This is no life for me Epilogue I'm back in my condo, the cruiser's a wreck My husband is spending the insurance check On something for dry land or I'll break his neck 'Cause this is the life for me Yo ho Note: The title is clearly a parody; the lyric is not. RG RG
Thanks to Mudcat for the Digital Tradition!