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Advice to the Lovelorn (John Fryer) I'm Blue-eyes of Scunthorpe, I need some advice, For I've been a bad girl (why was it so nice?), I've no one to turn to in this modern age; So all that is left is the Lonely Hearts Page, And Miss Home, Home, Evelyn Home. Dear Evelyn Home, I've a problem for you, I've slept with my boyfriend (he slept with me too), His parents found out and blamed it on me, And completely ignore me when I go to tea, Dear Miss Home, Home, Evelyn Home. Should I say I'm sorry, not do it again, Refrain from all romance and be home by ten? My boy says, ``Don't do it, you might drive them to Informing your parents, then what would you do?'' Dear Miss Home, Home, Evelyn Home. Dear Blue-eyes of Scunthorpe, I can't understand Why you and you only are taking a stand, It takes two to go wrong, apportion the guilt; Your boyfriend was in it, right up to the hilt, Says Miss Home, Home, Evelyn Home. Dear blue-eyes of Scunthorpe, hear what I must state, For grief and contrition it's really too late, Unless you get married as soon as you can, You'll regret having had carnal knowledge of man, O dear, sighs Miss Home, as she lays down her pen, The troubles these young women have with their men; It's sordid, immoral, and I really can't see Why the hell all these things never happened to me, BR
Thanks to Mudcat for the Digital Tradition!