Digital Tradition Mirror

The Finest Fucking Family

(This score available as ABC, SongWright, PostScript, PNG, or PMW, or a MIDI file)
Pennywhistle notation and Dulcimer tab for this song is also available

The Finest Fucking Family

If you're ever down in London, and you have no place to go
And you cannot find a spot to sit you down,
For a penny on deposit you can hire a water closet
And a season ticket costs but half-a-crown.
     There's a gent's convenience at the corner of Waterloo
     And a ladies' one a little further down,
     If you've an aching in your heart we get a penny for a fart
     We own every public lavat'ry in town.

Have you met my sister Tilly? She's a whore in Picadilly
And my mother is another on the strand;
And my father hawks his asshole round the walls of Windsor Castle
We're the finest fucking family in the land.
     Have you met my Uncle Hector? He's a cock and ball inspector
     At a celebrated English public school,
     And my brother sells French letters and a patent cure for wetters
     And an ointment for the sores upon your tool.

I learned this--and probably folk-processed it--from a self-styled
Heroic Monotone named Al Shulman, back about 1948. Variations appear
in Cray's Erotic Muse and Legman's Horn Book. Sings better in a Scots
accent RG
RG
oct99

Thanks to Mudcat for the Digital Tradition!