(This score available as
a MIDI file)
Pennywhistle notation and Dulcimer tab for this song is also available
The Finest Fucking Family If you're ever down in London, and you have no place to go And you cannot find a spot to sit you down, For a penny on deposit you can hire a water closet And a season ticket costs but half-a-crown. There's a gent's convenience at the corner of Waterloo And a ladies' one a little further down, If you've an aching in your heart we get a penny for a fart We own every public lavat'ry in town. Have you met my sister Tilly? She's a whore in Picadilly And my mother is another on the strand; And my father hawks his asshole round the walls of Windsor Castle We're the finest fucking family in the land. Have you met my Uncle Hector? He's a cock and ball inspector At a celebrated English public school, And my brother sells French letters and a patent cure for wetters And an ointment for the sores upon your tool. I learned this--and probably folk-processed it--from a self-styled Heroic Monotone named Al Shulman, back about 1948. Variations appear in Cray's Erotic Muse and Legman's Horn Book. Sings better in a Scots accent RG RG oct99
Thanks to Mudcat for the Digital Tradition!