The Roman Gladiator (Dave Houlden et al) CHO: I'm glad glad very very glad I'm glad I'm a gladiator Ancient Rome, that's my home Fried fish shop by the Hippodrome I'm glad glad very very glad From my helmet to my toes My old Dad was a Roman lad And he left me a Roman nose 2, 3, 4, 1, 2, 3, 4 Ever seen a Fellow like a Roman candle Bloke who never let his braces dangle Gladi-ator Bold and Furious Runs round Rome with a spirit so furious I'm in the bodyguard of Julius Ceaser He's got a fizzer like a lemon squeezer My names Marcus diddle-I-darcus Permanent address is Rome Round the Colosseum we go marching Wearing dickies that are needing starching Watched by Nero, he's our hero Sits up there with a belly full of beer-o All day long he keeps on fiddlin' Fingers diddlin', always twiddlin' We must please him, if we tease him Throws us in the lions den. I had a fight with a lion called Nifty Mangy old bugger with an eye so shifty Rorus chorus, he rushed for us I shoved my Trident up his anal quarters Gave that lion such a fair old beating Found his haemorrhoids need treating Oh what a din!, Oh what a win! Everybody thumbs up YAH! Julius Caesar had a motto Only remembered it when he got blotto "Null secundus orus randy " He was a bugger on a pint of shandy On his banner was a naked dancer Three French letters and a mounted lancer He can't fool us, got no tool, us Lost it in the Ides of March Marcus Anthony, the dirty shitehouse Lost his medals in a Rome red lighthouse Woke in the morning, very solemn Couldn't see the end of his Tragans column The favourite sport of Roman rogues is Two pink gins and off with their togas Shagnus Magnus, any old bag does Oh what a Roman wreck We went on holiday to old Pompeii Can't say that we enjoyed our stayee We insured against Jupiter pluvius We forgot about bloody Vesuvius off we buggered to Herculaneum Wife got a rock upon her cranium Oh what a shock, bloody great rock So we buggered off back to Rome They were a funny lot the Ancient Britons Look at 'em twice and they'd have kittens As you've read in "Di Bello Castie" How we were poisoned by a Cornish pasty We lost Marcus to a fair young Druid Who injected him with priceless fluid With his arse full of woad, he croaked li ke a toad So we dumped him in the Edgware Road. In north Britain near Vindolanda thats where the 6th Legion raise their standard They grew leeks that were big and strong Thick as your arm and six foot long Then the Scots with their Picts and shovels Came and stole them back to their hovels This didn't please the legion at all Which is why they built Hadrians Wall Dave Houlden (with some additions) This is the combined set of words gathered from Pearl O'Neill and Barry at Towe rsey, how much was written by Dave I dont know, except for verse 8 I know that I added th at as a homage to Dave Houldens ghost. MP
Thanks to Mudcat for the Digital Tradition!