Little Willie Little Willie, in bows and sashes Fell in the fire and was burnt to ashes, Nowadays when the weather gets chilly Nobody likes to poke up Willie. Willie and three other brats Ate up all the Rough-On-Rats; Papa said, when Mama cried, "Don't worry, dear, they'll die outside." Making toast at fireside, Nurse fell in the grate and died. And, what makes it ten times worse All the toast was burned with Nurse. Yesterday my gun exploded, When I thought it wasn't loaded; Near my wife I pressed the trigger Chipped a fragment off her figure. 'Course I'm sorry, and all that But she shouldn't be so fat. Grandpapa fell down a drain Couldn't scramble out again Now he's floating down the sewer There's one grandpapa the fewer. Little Willie, mean as hell Threw his sister in the well Mama said, when drawing water, "Gee, it's hard to raise a daughter." Willie, in a rage insane Threw his head beneath a train All were quite surprised to find How it broadened Willie's mind. Little Willie, from the mirror Licked the mercury all off; Thinking, in his childish error It would cure the whooping cough. At the funeral Willie's mother Said to Mrs. Brown, "'Twas a chilly day for Willie When the mercury went down." Little Willie, feeling mean Pushed his sister through a screen Mother stopped his innovations Said it made for strained relations. Most of these come from a little volume from the 1890's called "Ruthless Rhymes for Heartless Homes", pseudonymous author given as "Col. D. Streamer" (actually Harry Graham) Sings, more or less, to Turkey in the Straw RG
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