The Doctor's Lament The portions of a woman that appeal to Man's depravity Are fashioned with considerable care; And what at first appears to be a common little cavity Is really an elaborate affair. Now doctors of distinction have examined these phenomena In numbers of experimental dames And given to these ornaments of feminine abdomena A number of delightful Latin names: There's the vulva, the vagina and the jolly perineum And the hymen in the case of certain brides; And there's lots of other gadgets you'd just love if you could see'em The clitoris and Christ knows what besides Now isn't it a pity that when common people chatter Of the mysteries to which I have referred That they give to this so vital and so elegant a matter Such a very short and unattractive word. The Layman's Reply The eminent authorities who study the geography Of this obscure but interesting land Are able to indulge a taste for feminine topography And view the graphic details close at hand. We ordinary people, though aware of the existence Of complexities beyond the public knowle Are usually content to view the details from a distance And treat them, roughly speaking, as a whole. Moreover when we laymen probe the depths of femininity We exercise a simpler form of touch And do not cloud the issue with superfluous minutia But call the whole concern a such-and-such. For men have made this useful but inelegant commodity The subject of innumerable jibes And while the name they call it by is something of an oddity It seems to fit the object it describes. The Woman's Retort You erudite philosophers are really rather comical Despite your pseudoscientific facts, For all your heated arguments on matters anatomical Have very little bearing on your acts. You may agree to differ and make learned dissertations On the relative importance of a name, But we women find that when it comes to intimate relations You reactions are essentially the same. Moreover when you analyze, in phrases too meticulous Our relatively simple little vent You overlook the verbiage, so rude and so ridiculous Which designates the gadgets of a gent. But then perhaps it's 'cause you find the emblems of virility So very, very difficult to hide, That your jealousy induces you to scoff at our ability To tuck away our privacies inside. RG
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