The Neighbour's Cat (Leon Rosselson) Those new neighbours, they never mow the lawn They're throwing things and rowing from dawn to bloody dawn Their drains are overflowing and their garden smells of pee And dandelions are growing where the roses ought too be They7ve got five cheeky children and even worse than that The terror of the neighbourhood, the devil of a cat The cat, the cat, the neighbour's cat Is not at all the sort of cat Who sits contented on a mat He's not a cat like that He isn't furry, fine or fat You wouldn't want to pet or pat That scraggy, ragged outsized rat The dustbin is his habitat The neighbour's cat. Our pussy-cats are neutered, they're decent and they're clean And they keep respectful silence when they hear "God Save The Queen" But this one, he's uncivilized, a spitting infidel With his nightly caterwauling and his nasty moggy smell Assaulting our azaleas, urinating on our gnomes Demolishing our dahlias, we're not safe in our own homes And he'll claw at our car bonnets, he'll savage dogs and crows He spreads chaos and subversion everywhere he goes (And this really makes my blood boil) he's fanatically fond Of harpooning our prize goldfish in our ornamental pnd We never catch him at it 'cause he's underhand and sly But we know who to blame when our prize marrows droop and die The cat, the cat, the neighbour's cat Is not at all the sort of cat Who sits contented on a mat He's not a cat like that He isn't furry, fine or fat You wouldn't want to pet or pat That scraggy, ragged, outsized rat The dustbin is his habitat The neighbour's cat. He's corrupting our poor darlings and leading them astray And causing them to act in a most unnatural way Does he get them on high on catmint, 'cause they wear a silly grin As they leap in front of lorries in a suicidal spin It's a shocking situation, every morning we emerge To find another flattened pussy laid out on the verge And have you heard the latest? Things can't go on this way The rumour is the neighbour's cat has joined the IRA Our house prices are falling, it's time to make a stand So we've got up a petition, this wild cat must be banned Yes, burn him for a traitor, this embodimment of sin This ruthless agitator, he's the enemy within. Coyright Leon Rosselson DN APR99
Thanks to Mudcat for the Digital Tradition!