Digital Tradition Mirror

Punch and Judy

Punch and Judy
(John Pole)

I am the showman, and on me back
I carry me actors in me pack -
A puppet showman, that's me, yours truly,
And the stars of my show are - Punch and Judy!
  'That's the way to do it,' says Punchinella -
  Hump-back and hook-nose, he's a comical fella!

And the first comes up is old Punch hisself:
'Ladies and gents,' he says, 'here's your good health!'
He carries his big stick wherever he goes -
It's thick and strong and as long as his nose!
  'That's the way to do it,' says Punchinella ...
  Big stick and long nose, symbolic old fella!

Next up comes Judy, Punch's old lady,
Saying,' I'm off out now, Punch, so mind the baby!'
'Oh no I won't,' says Punch: 'Yes you will,' says Judy,
'Cop hold o' your kid, my lad, none o' your old moody!'
  'That's the way to do it,' says Punchinella ..
  Cock-sure but hen-pecked, pathetic old fella!

Kid keeps howling - old Punch, he thumps it -
It bawls - he belts it, into bed he dumps it ...
It cries - he calms it down - it bites his finger ...
Punch ups and bungs it through the blooming winder!
  'That's the way to do it,' says Punchinella .. 
  'That'll learn the bleeding brat to yell and beller!'

Here's Mrs Judy now come back again,
Not knowing Punch has done the nipper in -
'Where's baby, Punch?' she says, 'Gone, gone to sleep!' says he -
'Don't you know where your own son is? You make me weep,' says she..
  'That's the way to do it,' says Punchinella ..
  'I threw it out the winder,' he has to tell her!

She cries her heart out: 'Where's my lil son gone?'
Says Punch, 'There's plenty more where that one come from!'
With a stick she bangs and beats him something lovely -
He gets it, clubs her, kills her, kicks her ugly ..
  'That's the way to do it,' says Punchinella ..
  'Why keep a wife you hate if you can kill her?'

Up jumps a copper, all dressed in blue,
Saying , 'Mr Punch, I am arresting you,
I've got a warrant to take you up for what you done -'
'And I've got a warrant,' says Punch, 'to knock you down!'
  'That's the way to do it,' says Punchinella ..
  Kicking him arse over head straight down the cellar.

The law soon catches him again and in a while
Before Judge Black-Cap he's standing trial:
'Killed wife and child?' he says, 'you guilty wretch!
Take Punch away and hang him, Mr Ketch!'
  'That's the way to do it,' says Punchinella ...
  'Hang 'em all, but don't hang me!' he cries in terror.

'See this-here noose'' says Jack, 'Poke your head through.'
Old Punch lets on he dunno what to do ?
'In here, Mr Ketch?' he says, 'Or p'raps in there?'
'Hang about,' the hangman says, 'I'll show you where..'
  'That's the way to do it,' says Punchinella ...
  Stringing up the hangman, he's a swinging old fella!

'Jack Ketch is dead,' he cries, 'hoorah, hooray, I'm free -
Don't care if the Devil hisself should come and call on me!
Jack Ketch is dead,' he says, 'Old Punch'll do them all!' -
Up pops Old Nick hisself - tail, horns and hooves and all!
  'That's the way to do it,' says Punchinella ..
  'Hang about, I'm your best friend, we're birds of a feather!'

The Devil darts at Punch but he ain't having it -
Nick gets hisself a stick but Punch keeps grabbing it -
He aims a mighty swipe at Satan's nut an' -
The Devil's out for the count, as dead as mutton..
  'That's the way to do it,' says Punchinella ..
  He's beat the Devil hisself, heroic old fella!

The show is over now, me dolls need mending,
But Punch and Punch's play are never-ending -
In every soul alive there's a Punch and a Judy,
In you and you, sir, you, ma'am, too, and me, yours truly!
  'That's the way to do it,' says Punchinella ..
  The Punch and Judy game goes on forever!

Copyright John Pole 1971

Thanks to Mudcat for the Digital Tradition!

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