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Public Bar (Miles Wooton) Early one evening Just as the pubs were opening A traveler was walking down A cold and windy street He saw a door ajar He stepped in a public bar Said, "Landlord, I would like a drink And something good to eat. I fancy some crusty bread And roast beef of old England Some fresh butter from the churn A pickled onion too And if you think you could Draw some bitter from the wood I'd be quite content to quaff A gentle pint or two I'll sit down by your pine log fire And ponder on the infinite The quiet of your hostelry Shall seep into my heart And if a regular Should come into the bar Maybe I'll entice him in A contest of the dart." "Come in," says the landlord, "I've got Pre-packed beef paste sandwiches And instant frozen sausages Which I purchase by the ton So if you fancy it I could defrost a bit And serve it up with ketchup On a supermarket bun I'll pour you a plastic pot Of quaint old English ready-brew As advertised on telly By a famous rugby scrum No dirty wooden barrels here We only keep hygienic beer Safely sterilized inside This aluminium drum So sit down by the pine log fire I'll switch the logs on presently Maybe you would like to try My brand new fruit machine Three cherries in a row Will set your heart aglow My jukebox plays some rock and roll That will really set the scene." So the traveler sat down beside The polystyrene inglenook Plastic beads were swaying To an electronic sound He started to bite and chew He took a sip of ready-brew He gave a ghastly gurgle And fell dead upon the ground "O dear, " says the landlord As he switched the color telly on "Another fatal accident The third this week, I fear If they cannot hold their own Why can't they stay at home I must say that we get some funny Customers in here" copyright Miles Wooton sung by Roy Harris SOF
Thanks to Mudcat for the Digital Tradition!