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Seven Old Ladies Oh, dear, what can the matter be Seven old ladies got locked in the lavat'ry They were there from Sunday 'till Saturday Nobody knew they were there The first to come in was the minister's daughter (The first was the Bishop of Chichester's daughter) She went in to pass some superfluous water She pulled on the chain and the rising tide caught her And nobody knew she was there The next to come in was dear Mrs. Mason The stalls were all full so she pissed in the basin And that is the water that I washed my face in And nobody knew she was there The third old lady was Amelia Garpickle; Her urge was sincere, her reaction was fickle. She hurdled the door; she'd forgotten her nickel, And nobody knew she was there The forth to come was old Mrs. Humphrey She shifted and jiggled to get herself comfy Then to her dismay, she could not get her bum free And nobody knew she was there The fifth to come in, it was old Mrs. Draper She sat herself down, and then found there was no paper She had to clean up with a plasterer's scraper And nobody knew she was there The sixth old lady was Emily Clancy; She went there 'cause something tickled her fancy, But when she got there it was ants in her pantsy And nobody knew she was there The seventh old lady was Elizabeth Bender; She went there to repair a broken suspender. (But how in the world she got a suspender) It snapped up and ruined her feminine gender, (Caught up in the site of the feminine gender) And nobody knew she was there ( I 'aven't the slightest idea.) The janitor came in the early morning. He opened the door without any warning, The seven old ladies their seats were adorning, And nobody knew they were there. alt: (The __ old lady was Abigail Quimm Who crossed her legs on a personal whim, But her thigh got caught twixt the bowl and the rim And nobody knew she was there.) (parenthetical additions by RG BR
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