Notwork Southeast
(Simon Furey)
As I was going to London
'Twas on a working day
I caught a brand new turbo
That broke down on the way
But if you think that this was odd
Or even something small
Then listen for a minute
I've a song to sing you all
cho: Oh the turbo, the turbo
The turbo in red, white and blue!
If you should catch a turbo
Then I'll tell you what to do:
You ladies take your knitting
And the gents a book or two
A bag for all the rubbish
And some paper for the loo!
There is a little village
In the Wiltshire countryside
Its name it is Great Bedwyn
And the turbo was its pride
It carried into Paddington
Commuters rich and poor
And those who wanted Reading
But got stuck inside the door
When our train got to Newbury
We had a jolly game
We joined another turbo
To make up one great big train
At least it would, if only
British Rail knew what to do
For half the time the brakes would jam
Whene'er they joined the the two.
Have you ever seen what happens
When you put two dogs to mate?
If you get them both together
They will never separate.
But that's always supposing
That you got them first to couple...
Well, now you know just what it's like
When you get turbo trouble!
Well just as I was all fed up
And feeling all frustrated
A disembodied voice announced
"This train has terminated"
But it's no use complaining
For computers have no pity
So we piled out on the platform
And got on the InterCity.
As I was coming home again
Beneath the setting sun
I struggled through the Bakerloo
And got to Paddington.
But there was no need to hurry
For there was no train in sight
A bomb scare chased the trains away
I had to stay all night.
So come all you bold commuters
That venture up to town
If you should catch a turbo
Then it's bound to let you down
So buy yourself a FAX machine
Computer and a Xerox
And work from home by telephone
You'll save yourself hysterics!
(Written shortly after the introduction to the Bedwyn service of the
British Rail Network Southeast "Thames Turbo" trains: highly automated
things that were plagued with failures such as doors failing to open and
trains refusing to budge once any attempt had been made to couple or
uncouple them. For readers unfamiliar with British railway systems,
"InterCity" refers to the long-distance express trains, and the
"Bakerloo" is one of the London Underground lines.) SF
Words & Music (c) Simon Furey July 1993
tune not supplied, but Lincolnshire Poacher works fine. RG
SF
Apr98
Thanks to Mudcat for the Digital Tradition!