Notwork Southeast (Simon Furey) As I was going to London 'Twas on a working day I caught a brand new turbo That broke down on the way But if you think that this was odd Or even something small Then listen for a minute I've a song to sing you all cho: Oh the turbo, the turbo The turbo in red, white and blue! If you should catch a turbo Then I'll tell you what to do: You ladies take your knitting And the gents a book or two A bag for all the rubbish And some paper for the loo! There is a little village In the Wiltshire countryside Its name it is Great Bedwyn And the turbo was its pride It carried into Paddington Commuters rich and poor And those who wanted Reading But got stuck inside the door When our train got to Newbury We had a jolly game We joined another turbo To make up one great big train At least it would, if only British Rail knew what to do For half the time the brakes would jam Whene'er they joined the the two. Have you ever seen what happens When you put two dogs to mate? If you get them both together They will never separate. But that's always supposing That you got them first to couple... Well, now you know just what it's like When you get turbo trouble! Well just as I was all fed up And feeling all frustrated A disembodied voice announced "This train has terminated" But it's no use complaining For computers have no pity So we piled out on the platform And got on the InterCity. As I was coming home again Beneath the setting sun I struggled through the Bakerloo And got to Paddington. But there was no need to hurry For there was no train in sight A bomb scare chased the trains away I had to stay all night. So come all you bold commuters That venture up to town If you should catch a turbo Then it's bound to let you down So buy yourself a FAX machine Computer and a Xerox And work from home by telephone You'll save yourself hysterics! (Written shortly after the introduction to the Bedwyn service of the British Rail Network Southeast "Thames Turbo" trains: highly automated things that were plagued with failures such as doors failing to open and trains refusing to budge once any attempt had been made to couple or uncouple them. For readers unfamiliar with British railway systems, "InterCity" refers to the long-distance express trains, and the "Bakerloo" is one of the London Underground lines.) SF Words & Music (c) Simon Furey July 1993 tune not supplied, but Lincolnshire Poacher works fine. RG SF Apr98
Thanks to Mudcat for the Digital Tradition!