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Very Unfortunate Man (Jimmy Driftwood's reworking of an older song) There was a lawyer, his name was Clay He had but two clients and they wouldn't pay At last, of starvation, he grew so afraid He courted and married a wealthy old maid. At the wedding this lawyer made one big mistake 'Twas not in omitting the wine or the cake The ring was well chosen, they had a big feed But the lawyer did not get a warranty deed He's a very unfortunate, very unfortunate, very unfortunate man He's a very unfortunate, very unfortunate, very unfortunate man At night in their chamber, this lady arose And began to prepare to retire and repose Her husband sat near her admiring her charms That gave him such pleasure to hold in his arms She went to the washstand to bathe her fair face And thus she destroyed all her beauty and grace The rose on her cheek quickly grew very faint And he saw on the towel, 'twas nothing but paint She went to the mirror to take down her hair And when she got done, her scalp was all bare Said she, don't be frightened to see my bald head I'll put on my cap when I get into bed She hung her false hair on the wall on a peg And then she proceeded to take off her leg Her trembling husband got quite a surprise When she asked him to come and take out her glass eye The husband stood watching, with trembling lips, While she unfastened her counterfeit hips; Just then her false nose clattered down on the floor And the poor lawyer, screaming, ran out of the door. Now all you young men who would marry for life, Be sure in examine your intended wife. Remember the lawyer who trusted his eyes And a little while later got quite a surprise. Copyright Warden Music Co., Inc. DT #651 Laws H24 RG
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