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Vanessa Picklegin One night for a jar, I went to the bar And I drunk the barrel dry. And the thoughts in my head were very far from bad Till this harlot catch me eye. She was withered and small, like a pickled wal(nut) That her bones had rubbed her sore, With her teeth in a box, she had got the pox And her age was fifty-four. cho: I've made very bold with young and old And I've fucked 'em thick and thin; But I never, never straddled a whore so raddled As Vanessa Picklegin. Well, no man knows who soberly goes, To what that man can sink; How his brain gets spoiled and he sees the world Through the rose-colored speck(specs?) of drink So I gazed in her eye' till beneath my fly My Y-fronts shockedly rose; And the stand in hand grew so bloody grand That it nearly blocked me nose. So up comes she and she says to me, Do you fancy a whore to screw? I can take without fuss any double-decker bus So I'll readily deal with you! For the average fool with the average tool I charge an inordinate fee; But since you've got a hard, which is more than a yard To you the admission's free. So it's back to her flat, and we slung out the cat And to bed widiout a word, For she looked, and she felt, and she bloody nearly smelt Like a week-old, white-washed turd. But I maintained that horn from night 'till morn And we fucked the dark hours through Till the bones went 'crack' in the middle of her back And Vanessa fell in two. Now all you lads that drink ale, be cautioned by my tale For as I scrambled free, I loudly wailed, for my prick was left impaled On Vanessa's vertibree. So, when you're in the pub, the harlots snub Or you shall surely find, Though you may get away and not be asked to pay You'll leave a lot behind! AJS
Thanks to Mudcat for the Digital Tradition!